A former State Department official at the center of an espionage investigation is claiming reports of his involvement with a Taiwanese intelligence agent are inaccurate and distorted.

In a court filing Friday, lawyers for the veteran American diplomat, Donald Keyser, insisted that no harm to America’s security was done by his lengthy and sometimes intimate relationship with the agent, Isabelle Cheng.

Yeeeeaaaaah, that’s the ticket. All that time I spent getting my gear shift polished and embracing this nude foreign agent was done at the behest of my handler. Those unauthorized classified documents at my home? She never saw a page of that stuff.

And my wife? Don’t mind her; she’s in the basement archiving those codeword docs.

Somewhere, Larry Franklin is wishing AIPAC hired more women.

About the Author

Michael Tanji

Michael Tanji spent nearly 20 years in the US intelligence community. Trained in both SIGINT and HUMINT disciplines he has worked at the Defense Intelligence Agency, the National Security Agency, and the National Reconnaissance Office. At various points in his career he served as an expert in information warfare, computer network operations, computer forensics, and indications and warning. A veteran of the US Army, Michael has served in both strategic and tactical assignments in the Pacific Theater, the Balkans, and the Middle East.